Rob Goodlatte

I rarely have anything good to say about my cell phone — Verizon’s LG Chocolate. The menu interface is slow and impractical, the keys are too small for my oafish fingers, it lacks a speakerphone, and the stylish front-face red buttons give no sensory feedback besides a quiet beep. About the only good thing going for the phone is its outward appearance — and Verizon managed to uglify that by slapping an iPod-esque wheel (which doesn’t function like a clickwheel) ontop of the beautiful original design.

Yet, because of its flaws, it is the world’s best alarm clock.

When the alarm goes off I have to deactivate it through a slow interface using hit-and-miss front-panel buttons. And if I want to re-set the alarm I wade through five screens when two would suffice. It’s a puzzle to turn this thing off every morning — ensuring that I’m wide awake by the time the alarm stops. The Chocolate’s complete failure as a phone makes it the ideal alarm clock — its bad design actually benefits the alarm feature, albeit in a rather backhanded way.

1. Diego June 1st at 1:55 am

   LOL!

   I also use my cell phone (motorola razr) as an alarm clock.. but to ensure that I wont just turn off it and continue sleeping, I’m used to put it far away from my bed so I have to get up to reach it.

   Anyway the razr is another example of stylish phone with ugly software & user interface. The only good thing about that phone is that it’s really thin…

2. Matt June 1st at 6:50 am

   I’m quite astounded at how the whole “cell phone” thing happens over in the US.
   Are you able to purchase a phone without it being contractually connected to a carrier? Or for that matter, branded and locked? In Australia at least, you can purchase phones by themselves, for the retail price, no contracts. (”pre-paid”)

   But back on topic. The LG Chocolate (horrible name) is pretty terrible, although I have only used it for all of 5 minutes, at which point I backed away and put the thing back down.

3. Kenny Saunders June 1st at 10:56 am

   Maybe so, but that is one sweet PRS wallpaper.

   :)

4. June 1st at 11:42 am

   Matt — I’ve never seen unlocked phones for sale here in the U.S. I’ve heard of users who have managed to buy a phone with a contract and un-lock them to take to another carrier. We also have pre-paid phones, but they’re always tied to a carrier — it’s very rare to leave a contract with a phone company and switch the phone to a new carrier.

   Kenny — The phone actually has some nice backgrounds (some animated), and the menus look pretty cool, they’re just dog slow.

5. Volkher Hofmann June 4th at 10:34 am

   Thanks for the laugh.

   If you think that’s bad, picture me with a real alarm clock (one of those digital jobs with a built-in radio) that has all but two buttons. The kicker is that one button needs to be pressed for a certain amount of time to make sure the darn thing turns itself off but tries to wake me again a bit later.

   If I press too long, I turn the alarm clock off completely (not a good idea for someone who needs two or three buzzes to get out of bed), if I don’t press long enough, the setting changes to another time (and we’re back to square one in regard to sleeping in late), if I just press shortly, the radio goes on and I’m in a whole ‘nother menu … which I’ve never even tried to figure out)

   In short, the designers of that thing actually expected someone who has just surfaced from a nice cushy dream to instantly be able to tell exactly how long a button should be pressed (basically down to the millisecond).

   Needless to say, it didn’t say that on the package.

   P:S.: I had a Mao alarm clock (of the Chairman type, whose right arm was waving a red Mao “bible” to indicate seconds) decades ago which my dad had brought along for me from China. That thing worked like a charm. Nothing to press, nothing to do … but to throw it across the room to shut it up.

   Chinese Zen-like perfection.

   Those were the days.

6. Carrie June 12th at 6:21 am

   i always knew somewhere deep in my heart that the chocolate was a piece of crap… =p, but the Mao alarm clock story is the one i nearly died laughing at; that’s priceless, zen-like perfection indeed!

7. Ben June 23rd at 11:32 pm

   Good story.

   But I’m amazed by how poorly contructed phone operating systems are. It’s funny to see a really expensive sleek phone with an OS that’s not any better than the one you see on the cheap phones.

8. James September 7th at 1:27 pm

   I’ve got the original chocolate (not the fake wheel one), its a terrible alarm clock all you need to do is slide it open and closed quickly to stop it.

   I’m late for work often